For two days I had to hear screams of my mother when she saw her tomatoes.  Eaten up tomatoes.  We didn't know what it was, until a clever stake out tonight and this is what we found...

In Sex and The City Carrie once came home and said that she washed the city off her face.  I understand the feeling of the phrase now.  I flew back home today and washed New york off my face.  I secretly did it every night for four days in New York.  I expected many things from New York in the winter, but I never got what I expected.  I had best and worst experiences of my 23 year old life in these 4 days in New York, I learned many important things about myself, I learned many things about others, I remembered  once again what was lost in me. 
I danced the nights away in clubs, 
I walked the streets of the cuty with my friends, and i walked them alone, 
I had my first experience in the subway and bad sex, 
I felt an orgasm on the dance floor of the best club in NY, 
I ate black caviar in the streets of Brooklyn, 
I also fell in the middle of Brooklyn, 
I remembered the days when the sales ladies told you to get out of the store because they don't have your sizes before you even walked in the store ( just like Russia)
 I saw a man sell hotdogs in the middle of the freeway and next to the cemetery ( who buys them there I don't know),
 I was evacuated from the hotel because my floor cought on fire, 
I was late for my plane and it took 10 hours to get to San Francisco from New York through Chicago, 
I also had my first strip search in the airport.  
I was bitten
I was complimented on my furs
I walked in Saks fifth avenue and got exactly what I wanted in two seconds with no sucking up and arguing
I had a great shopping trip and I even had money left for a limo to the airport
Washing New York off my face is a great feeling and it is all worth it.

THIS IS A NEW YORK FEELING

My mom dragged in 8 goldfish into my house.  What the hell am I suppose to do with goldfish?  I have a rottweiller, three trials to prepare for, mother in menopause and shopping to do.  I DON"T HAVE TIME FOR GOLDFISH.  I know nothing about fish living in the house.  It took me two hours to figure out if they are still alive.  I count them every 5 minutes, making sure none of them are dead or my rotty didn;t chew them up.  To make things better for the fish, my mom dragged in a huge statue-like toy for them in a shape of a shark, which holds a sign " Only cool fish are welcome".  Talk about welcome wagon.

anyway, does anyone know anything about fish?


Oh, and one fish is missing an eye.  I cried during NEMO, and she brings me a fish without an eye!!!!!!!!

I AM GOING TO NEW YORK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jewish Mother
>Hello?
>
>Daughter
>Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight?
>
>Jewish Mother
>You're going out?
>
>Daughter
>Yes.
>
>Jewish Mother
>With whom?
>
>Daughter
>With a friend.
>
>Jewish Mother
>I don't know why you left your husband. He is such a good man.
>
>Daughter
>I didn't leave him. He left me!
>
>Jewish Mother
>You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybodies and nobodies.
>
>Daughter
>I do not go out with anybody. Can I bring over the kids?
>
>Jewish Mother
>I never left you to go out with anybody except your father.
>
>Daughter
>There are lots of things that you did and I don't.
>
>Jewish Mother
>What are you hinting at?
>
>Daughter
>Nothing. I just want to know if I can bring the kids over tonight.
>
>Jewish Mother
>You're going to stay the night with him? What will your husband say if
>he
>finds out?
>
>Daughter
>My EX husband. I don't think he would be bothered. From the day he
>left
>me,
>he probably never slept alone!
>
>Jewish Mother
>So you're going to sleep over at this loser's place?
>
>Daughter
>He's not a loser.
>
>Jewish Mother
>A man who goes out with a divorced woman with children is a loser and
>a
>parasite.
>
>Daughter
>I don't want to argue. Should I bring over the kids or not?
>
>Jewish Mother
>Poor children with such a mother.
>
>Daughter
>Such a what?
>
>Jewish Mother
>With no stability. No wonder your husband left you.
>
>Daughter
>ENOUGH!!!
>
>Jewish Mother
>Don't scream at me. You probably scream at this loser too!
>
>Daughter
>Now you're worried about the loser?
>
>Jewish Mother
>Ah, so you see he's a loser. I spotted him immediately.
>
>Daughter
>Goodbye, mother.
>
>Jewish Mother
>Wait! Don't hang up! When are you bringing them over?
>
>Daughter
>I'm not bringing them over! I'm not going out!
>
>Jewish Mother
>If you never go out, how do you expect to meet anyone?